SANTA FART IS COMING TO TOWN

Last Christmas I woke up at night and went into the living room to check on a noise I heard. It sounded like it was coming from the chimney, so I looked up the chimney to see. Just then I heard and smelled the wettest, deepest, nastiest fart I ever heard in my entire life. The pea green gas flowed down the chimney and across my face. I nearly choked. I pulled my head out of the fireplace and fell back onto the floor. I looked up and Santa Fart crawled out of the fireplace.

He looked at me and laughed. Then he kicked one leg to the side and blew a phart.

His coat was just like Santa Claus' coat except instead of it being red, it was pea green with dark brown fur instead of white. His boots were covered in mud/sludge of some kind and his coat was covered in soot. He had snot running out of his nose, eye jam, and rotten teeth. He pulled out a flask of whisky and took a swig.

"What the hell's wrong with you" he asked, "haven't you ever heard anyone fart before?"

Then he took out his bag and dug through it for a minute. He pulled out a rotten steak and threw it under the tree. Then he produced a couple of pairs of soiled underwear and tossed them under the tree. He then took a piss on the tree. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He looked at me and said "You folks were bad this year. Santa Claus gives me his bad list every year and I come by and punish you a bit. No big deal. You'll live."

Then he bent over and started trying to stuff his fat ass back into the chimney, displaying a large brown stain on his pants right at the butt-crack. As he did, he let out a particularly disgusting string of farts that produced a dark pea green gas that floated around the room leaving a brown stain on anything it touched.

After he left I went to the bathroom and wiped a layer of greasy brown shit-film off my face that had apparently been the residue from Santa's nasty farts. I was so disgusted that I had to warn the world so I wrote a song bout it. Its called 'Santa Fart is Coming to Town' and it goes like this:

You better watch out

or you'll choke and die

Hold your breath

I'm telling you why

cuz Santa Fart is coming to town

He's blowing a fart

and smelling it twice

he's gonna make sure

it don't smell too nice

Santa Fart is coming to town

He blows gas when you're sleeping

so you know when you're awake

that he's been farting up a storm

so you're house smells like a sewer drain

Oh....

You better watch out

or you'll choke and die

Hold your breath

I'm telling you why

cuz Santa Fart is coming to town!