Presidential Campaign Speech

My fellow Americans. Four score an forty years ago, my predecessor stood before you with a challenge. And that was to ask you to fight for a very important right that had long been denied to all good citizens of our great land. That right is of course, the right to blow farts and pass gas wherever, and whenever one might need or desire to.

Too often a man or woman finds themselves with uncomfortable pressure building up inside their bowels, or oftentimes even physical pain from it, yet being in a public place or social event they find that they can not pass the gas and relieve the pressure or pain without facing severe social condemnation or removal from the event. 

This kind of discrimination against gas passers has gone on long enough! It's time to stand up and ask the question: CAN WE FART? 

The answer for all good men and women of conscience must be yes! Yes We Can Fart! We can Blow Farts anywhere, any time, and for any reason we so choose! We blow squeaky farts, we can blow foghorns, we can even blow whet farts! Say it with me: WE CAN FART! WE CAN FART! WE CAN FART!